Walking Through Fire into the Light of My Heart
As I dropped into my heart during my morning meditation today I felt an overwhelming connection to Divine Love and radiance, so much so that I was brought to tears. I saw myself at the threshold of this radiant energy. The image before me was of a door cracked open and from which pure Light poured its brilliant and powerful rays onto the place where I stood.
The image provided me with immediate insight that the Divine is always supporting me no matter what I do. The Divine does not ever fail me—only I do—which means that the barrier to fully releasing into the radiance and Divinity within my own heart is…me.
I am standing in my own way of allowing the Divine to support me fully.
I am standing in my own way of living the life that I desire.
A waterfall of tears came in response to witnessing the brilliance of this Light albeit primarily at the recognition of the power my own fear has over me. The image gifted me with a knowing that the energy and presence of the Divine does not turn on or off intermittently. It is constant, like the sun, always there even when I don’t see it. It is me that opens and closes to it, just like the doorway I saw, allowing me a vision of it in brief bits here and there. And then, when I close that door, I forget.
The hesitancy and fear I feel with fully stepping into my own Divine Light is precisely because of its radiance and expansiveness. It is way bigger than any of my history and any of my self-limiting beliefs. None of that matters in the space of the energy of this Light. And, in order to allow this Light to fully support me I must let go of all that is familiar to me: the comforts of my self-limiting beliefs, where and how I seek connection that is not authentic, as well as the stories of my past that subconsciously lay out the map of my future.
This space of Light is powerful and beautiful while at once amorphous and unfamiliar, and, most frighteningly, unknown. How can I trust that I will truly be supported? How do I even let go? I sob in response to this prospect and in hearing myself I find that I sound like the lion from the Wizard of Oz, crying for his lack of courage and his great desire to have it! In the midst of this existential crisis I actually laugh and I am grateful for my sense of humor.
Thus is the paradox: when the opportunity arises for me to allow the expansiveness and freedom of this Divine Light to flourish within my own heart those same fears that keep me feeling pressed and trapped in my daily life paralyze me from opening up to the beautiful space of freedom that is right there presenting itself to me. The bind is straight-up insane, right? Actually, I believe that is the definition of suffering.
In exploring what it takes to accept that I am the Light of my own life, that the Source energy is me and within me, I clearly see that courage is the answer. And, that the courage is not to be outsourced as the lion had asked the wizard of Oz to do for him. The courage comes from within me. It is I that must encourage (etymology of this word is literally “putting in heart”!) my own self to step into the very thing that terrifies me. In doing so I leave my stories and limiting beliefs behind fully knowing they can no longer sustain me or grab hold of me, even comfort me, once I take this leap. It is actually my own Source energy within my heart that is the true sustenance of my life.
In the shamanic healing lineage that I study and practice the fire walk serves the purpose of launching oneself into a new paradigm of being that one is at the precipice of shifting into. Walking on fire from the perspective of the ego-mind seems impossible, overwhelming, even stupid, sending one into a multitude of fearful and doubting thoughts. Just as one's mind starts to conjure up a thousand reasons why one shouldn't do something they've never done before, there comes a moment when one must act on faith alone. That is the essence of the fire walk. When you get through it with the feet in tact and no burns or blisters the mind is totally blown into a state of incomprehensibility.
The walk over the coals is actually about following one’s heart and trusting Divine guidance and support to get one to the other side, not about the material concerns of the feet getting burned. It is an act of surrender, trust and courage—of not allowing fear to stop you. It is a letting go of the framework of beliefs you are currently beholden to and agreeing to step forward into the unknown of something new without form, and believing that something wonderful and in greater alignment with who you are awaits you on the other side. As one walks across the fire it purifies, releases and atomizes the old form, burning it into ash, creating fertile ground for the new form to arise out of it like a Phoenix.
Today my heart showed me that I am at the place of deciding—do I choose me as the full embodiment of Divine Light and Love or do I choose fear? I know it is time for me to surrender fear and to choose me. This is my fire walk. Ho.